My least favourite word

So, over a year since I last updated my blog, I'm back again. I'd say you all missed me, but seeing as no bugger follows me anyway I know I'm just peeing into my wetsuit on here. Anyway, just in case someone does pitch upon this page by accident: "hello, and welcome, come back in a years time and there might be a 4th post on here..."

But enough of that, and on to my least favourite word.

It used to be 'empower', as in "We have empowered this person to wipe the arse-biscuits off their nether regions". For me, every use of it can be replaced by 'patronising' instead. So our arse-biscuit ridden person would now read:

"We have been patronising this person to wipe the arse-biscuits off their nether regions"

Go on and try it yourself if you're truly bored.

But recently, a new word has started appearing:

'access'

Not a bad word in itself, and can be quite properly used to describe an entrance. However recently I've found it used in the following ways:

"...most breaks will be accessed by a child with..."

"...some courses can be accessed by you for a small charge."

What they actually mean is used, visited, chosen. The acid test as to whether a word is being used in a silly way, is to try and use it to describe the mundane actoins of your day, for example:

"I went to the snack bar and accessed a sandwich for my lunch."

"After three hours of painful constipation, I finally managed to access the toilet."

Silly isn't it?

So lets think about how we use words, and if you come across someone who does use access in this way, feel free to correct them, preferably with a mallet or similarly blunt object.